Imagine going to a new country where English is not the first language.
To them, it is completely normal, but to you, it's just a whole bunch of strange words that make no sense. Having traveled a lot, these people will usually try their best to speak English, to make an effort, because most westerners think THEY should cater to our needs. Self-first mentality. You have two choices…you can get frustrated and yell louder because they don’t understand you…or you can calm down and make a conscious effort to learn THEIR language so you can BOTH communicate better. Sounds logical right?
Then why do people not do it in their relationships?
People never stop growing. I am not talking about height, but the capacity of knowledge they retain over time. The person you are now is not the kid playing with toys from years ago, ok we still play with toys but they are just a little different now. Our personal language has evolved and expanded as it should.
A lot of people in long-term relationships often say ‘they are not the person I met years ago’, well thank god for that I say. At 40+, would he still want me to be 23 again having vodka shot with my friends and dancing on the bar (yes it happened), or a self-aware emotionally evolved woman, mother, and business owner who has her life together?
My language has radically changed through my own self-growth and constant need for knowledge that he has to lean me all over again, 25+ years together, I grew up before him.
This is important for all couples but vitally important for BDSM couples where the personal growth and developing that trusting bond is first and foremost for both partners. Learning takes years and it never ends…but it is a choice to be better and some don’t choose that option.
So where do you start?
Pay attention.
We are quickly becoming a self-first society where our attention span is limited to our own wants and needs. This is where submission is so very different. A sub will always put her needs last, she may ask for her needs to be met, but it is your choice to take that on board or brush her off and hope the issue just goes away…and it is always a choice so choose carefully. If she outgrows you and you have not paid attention this is YOUR fault, not hers.
Take a step back from the everyday goings-on, groceries, kids, work, etc, and just watch your partner. What is THEIR passion, not yours… because you are not first today…they are. Are you involved with them, even just a little bit, have they asked you to be involved but you didn’t notice, or do you just leave them to it while you do what makes YOU happy?
Have you bothered to learn a few words of THEIR language or is it just too hard? And it IS hard, it will always be hard, but it is so with it. You could be missing the best part of them.
Body language
Learn to read your partner, their body language will tell you so much. People can evolve into beautiful sexual beings under the right partner, so grow WITH them. Learn their language, just like they will do for you, and just remember that theirs is different from yours so don’t speak the same just because you can only understand your language. Grow, learn and evolve YOURSELF because I can guarantee they are doing the same.
If you are limited to a few moves that have no impact on your partner, do you stick within your comfort zone with what you know, or do you try and learn a few new ‘words’ to communicate better physically? It's the classic case of ‘if you do the same thing, expect the same results’ so being self-aware and noticing things for YOURSELF is just as important.
Are the conversations you have enough for them? Or is only enough effort put in to get by to ‘keep them happy’. No, YOU chose them, they deserve ALL your effort to KEEP them happy. So learn your partner, you may find a whole new exciting personality in the same person you have walked past every day.
A relationship is TWO (or more) people
That means you have made the conscious effort to be a PART of a bigger story. No one is ever special enough to only have THEIR needs met without putting an equal half back in, that is just being selfish. If you choose to be someone's other half, step up and be it. Not just now, but for as long as you are together and that means accepting the growth of your partner, paying attention, and learning a new language that will always be changing.
Ask yourself this…Do I expect my partner to be there for me, support me, grow with me and learn ME?
If the answer is yes, then why not give them the same in return. You are not more entitled, a couple who can grow together is a tight unit, but BOTH need to put in the work to get it there.
Sully xx
Beautifully Bound
Posted By Sully B
Updated : 4th December 2021 | Words : 859 | Views : 1848
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