Learn the language

Imagine going to a new country where english is not the first language. To them it is completely normal, but to you its just a whole bunch of strange words that make no sense. Having traveled a lot, these people will usually try their best to speak english, to make an effort, because most westerners think THEY should cater to our needs. Self first mentality. You have two choices…you can get frustrated and yell louder because they don’t understand you…or you can calm down and make a conscious effort to learn THEIR language so you can BOTH communicate better. Sounds logical right?


Then why do people not do it in their relationships?


People never stop growing. I am not talking about height, but the capacity of knowledge they retain over time. The person you are now is not he kid playing with toys from years ago, ok we still play with toys but they are just a little different now. Our personal language has evolved and expanded as it should.

A lot of people in long term relationships often say ‘they are not the person I met years ago’, well thank god for that I say. At 41, would he still want me to be 23 again having vodka shot with my friends and dancing on the bar (yes it happened), or a self aware grown woman, mother and business owner who has her life together? My language has radically changed through my own self growth and constant need for knowledge that he has to lean me all over again, 18 years together I grew up before him.


This is important for all couples, but vitally important for BDSM couples where the person growth and developing that trusting bond if first and foremost for both partners. Learning takes years and it never ends…but it is a choice to be better and some don’t chose that option.


So where do you start?


Pay attention. 

We are quickly becoming a self first society where our attention span is limited to our own wants and needs. This is where submission is so very different. A sub will always put her needs last, she may ask for her needs to be met, but it is your choice to take that on board or brush her off and hope the issue just goes away…and it is always a choice so choose carefully. If she out grows you and you have not payed attention this is YOUR fault, not hers.

Take a step back from the every day goings on, groceries, kids, work etc and just watch your partner. What is THEIR passion, not yours… because you are not first today…but theirs. Are you involved with them, even just a little bit, has she asked you to be involved but you didn’t notice or do you just leave them to it while you do what make YOU happy? Have you bothered to learn a few words of THEIR language or is it just to hard? And it IS hard, it will always be hard, but it is so with it. You could be missing the best part of them.


Body language

Learn to read her, her body language will tell you so much. Women can evolve into beautiful sexual beings under the right man, so grow WITH her. Learn her language, just like she will do for you, her’s is different to yours so don’t speak the same just because you can only understand your language. Grow, learn and evolve YOURSELF because I can guarantee she is doing the same.

If you are limited to a few moves that have no impact on her, do you stick within your comfort zone with what you know, or do you try and lean a few new ‘words’ to communicate better physically? Its the classic case of ‘if you do the same thing, expect the same results’ so being self aware and noticing things for YOURSELF is just as important.

Are the conversations you have enough for her? Or is only enough effort put in to get by to ‘keep her happy’. No, YOU chose her, she deserves ALL your effort to KEEP her. So learn her, you may find a whole new exciting woman in the same person you have walked past every day.  


A relationship is TWO (or more) people, that means you have made the conscious effort to be a PART of a bigger story. No one is ever special enough to only have THEIR needs met without putting an equal half back in, that is just being selfish. If you choose to be someones other half, step up and be it. Not just now, but for as long as you are together and that means accepting the growth of your partner, paying attention and learning a new language that will always be changing. 

Ask yourself this…Do i expect my partner to be there for me, support me, grow with me and learn ME? If the answer is yes, they why not give them the same in return. You are not more entitled, a couple who can grow together is a tight unit, but BOTH need to put in the work to get it there.


Sully xx

Beautifully Bound



It was brought to my attention that I should include all dynamics in my writing…no…I write from a submissive point of view. As a fellow adult I don’t need to ‘hand hold’ you and tell you specifically how to think. If you are incapable of changing the word Dom to Master, Daddy or whatever you identify as you really should not be reading this. I also won’t use W/we, O/our etc because it is damn painful to read. Change the titles to suit yourself…because you have a brain capable of doing that and I have no need to patronise you by thinking you are incapable of doing so.


Posted By Sully B

Updated : 7th June 2016 | Words : 993 | Views : 1376

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