People develop specific personality traits, that then define if they can be submissive or not.
There are a few, however, that don’t lend themselves to being a vital part of submission and can in fact cause a lot of strife. If these can not be curbed it is likely you are not cut out to be submissive.
Topping From the Bottom
Topping from the bottom is considered inappropriate behavior in most D/s circles. It can have many connotations, some of which make the dominant seem to be the less dominant person in the relationship. It also can be looked upon as the submissive trying to get the attention of their dominant because the submissive feels that they aren't getting enough. Why does a submissive bottom top? This is the question that there are many conflicting answers to. Some suggest that it is simply to get attention from the dominant. Some say that it is to act out against the dominant because they don't want the control. Some times the submissive is naturally more dominant than their dominant, so it comes natural for them to bottom top.
Selfishness is a very damaging trait to have when you are trying to be submissive. How can you serve your dominant if you are only thinking of yourself? Do you do things with joy even if they don't benefit you? Or are you one of those that constantly ask 'What's in it for me'? If you ask or question motives because you do not see any self benefits in certain tasks or guidelines, then you are selfish.
Lying or Not Being Completely Open
When you are in a normal relationship, you expect honesty and open communication, right? Well in a BDSM relationship that is even more important. If you can't be open and honest with your dominant, how can you really be submitting completely to him/her? A dominant is not a mind reader, nor do they want to have to guess if you are telling them everything they need to know.
Pretending to be Submissive
There are many women/men that want to be 'made' to submit. I'm not referring to play situations or sometimes, I am talking about all the time. Being submissive means you feel a need inside yourself to give up control to someone, whether sexually or more, but you feel it. If you have no desire to submit and just want to be made to submit, that is more of a masochist pretending to be a submissive. Most dominants do not want a pretend submissive. They might like a challenge in taming their sub, but do not want a constant fight for dominance.
'I am the ultimate uber submissive, hear me roar.' This is not the type of attitude you want. If you are to busy telling everybody how great you are at being a submissive, how awesome and talented you are, when do you have time and room in your life to actually be submissive? It is OK to have a healthy self worth and know your own strengths, but don't go overboard and be obnoxious.
People in general do not like being around others that are always negative on themselves or life in general. Submissives that are always down on themselves, saying that people do not like them, they hate everyone or everything, they don't like their life, etc... will not win you any friends or make you desirable for a dominant.
These are but some of the bad traits I have found that Dominants do not like in their subs. Remember every dominant and submissive is different, so the above mentioned list is probably different for each of you. Just try to be your best, keep learning and always have an open and honest communication street with your partner.
Posted By Michelle Fegatofi
Updated : 8th April 2015 | Words : 622 | Views : 2529