The Hazards of Ignoring in a D/s Relationship

The Hazards of Ignoring in a D/s Relationship

I wanted to write about some of the health hazards that ignoring can cause.

Ignoring your sub is NOT, I repeat NOT a form of punishment. It is a form of mental abuse. Submissives are needy by nature and if a Dom is not ready to accept that responsibility, then D/s is not for them. BDSM relationships are built on trust and communication. Doms need to keep that window open for their submissives to talk to them about anything they are worried about, and ignoring closes that. Ignoring does not discipline a submissive - it teaches them how to live without said Dom.

Some submissives will feel rejected, angry, and can have anxiety and panic attacks. I personally know if I were ever ignored, I’d be sitting in a corner trying to calm myself down while crying my eyes out, and I know I’m not the only one. SouthernDom and I have a rule in our relationship - the punishment should match the transgression within the rules of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Ignoring does not do this. It is not consensual, and it does not match the transgression. A Dom who ignores show they are not creative or caring enough to give their sub a punishment that instructs them how to learn and move on from their mistake.

"Oh, but ignoring is the only thing that works." No, no it isn’t. Stop. You’re uncreative and lazy. It doesn’t WORK, it’s just a way for you to avoid the situation. There are ways to discipline for EVERY transgression or broken rule that are NOT abusive and do NOT include ignoring. If you honestly think ignoring is the only way, then you need to sit down with some other Doms and see what they do.

That being said, I titled this the hazards of ignoring within a D/s relationship because ignoring can go both ways. Submissives, ignoring your Dom when you’re angry or upset is destructive. Doms need submissives just as much as you need them, and a D/s relationship is a relationship, and relationships require communication or they will fail.

Ignoring problems does not answer them. If you and your Dom are in a rough spot, then you must talk it over. Doms are not telepathic. They do not know every thought or doubt, and just a little insight might help them calm your fears.

However, if you are in a relationship with a Dom and he is mistreating you, as in non-consensual manipulation and abuse, then talking it over isn’t always best. Abusive relationships are toxic and unhealthy and ignoring the person and running away, possibly getting help if you’re comfortable, is a viable option. If you honestly feel like that’s the best choice and the only choice, then you should get yourself out of that situation.

Just to recap, ignoring should not be used as a punishment. Ever. A Dom should not ever ignore a sub and a sub should be just as considerate, unless they are in a toxic relationship and need a means of escape. Ignoring will lead to the destruction of a relationship.

Before I end this post, I want to cover one more topic. If you just forget to talk to your submissive for a long period of time, it doesn’t matter if you weren’t ‘ignoring’ them, it still has the SAME effects of being ignored, the EXACT SAME. Make time for your submissive and ensure that they are not being ignored and forgotten. If you are going out to do something for a long period of time, give them objectives to do and set alarms if you have to so you remember to check up on them. It’s a simple thing that can easily go unnoticed. Even a submissive can do this, such as if they went out shopping with friends with minimum contact with their Dom. I myself am guilty of doing that once, and I can tell you that Southern was very emotionally distraught and upset. It was a mistake on my part, and I should have made more time to update and talk to him - but it’s not one I will make again.

It is not to late to learn from mistakes and attempt to restore relationships. If you can, do so - but remember, ignoring is NOT a punishment or a way to make the other person want you more. It doesn’t work. They learn to live and love without you. Forgetting to talk to them can have the same consequences, although less deliberate.

Be considerate of your lover, your Dom, or your sub. Be mindful of your actions and thoughtful of the consequences, and for the love of the Gods, please please please listen to them when they are upset over something. Punishments and discipline, although not necessarily wanted by the sub, are CONSENSUAL. The submissive should trust a Dom enough to consent to being disciplined or punished for their actions so they can learn and grow. It is NOT a right, it is a privilege, and one that should be treasured and held as sacred.

By kitdreams

Posted By Kitdreams

Updated : 3rd February 2019 | Words : 838 | Views : 42651 | Comments : 2

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I feel ignored. He is always too busy. I’m doing my chores but I don’t think he notices. Has been over a week. I get some emails occasionally. Not many. He ignores most of what I send him. Feels like the silent treatment. I’ve cried every day. I feel like I am doing something wrong but I don’t know what. I feel shattered. I don’t want to cry anymore but I can’t stop. I miss him.

Posted By Baby on Tuesday 7th August 2018 @ 15:23:12


Thank you so much for this post. I was recently ignored by my Dom and it shattered my world and broke my heart. This was also my first D/s relationship, it lasted a year and a half. I was ignored once before for 8 days and thought it was a test that I failed because I questioned it and told him I was sorry for whatever it was that I did and said goodbye. I was promptly told that a sub does not ever walk away. After being ignored for 30 days I decided to walk away and end it. I went into a very dangerous deep depression and it took a lot of support and work to get out of it. I do know now i eas mistreated and was not in the wrong for walking away. During the whole time i was ignored i tried multiple times to talk with him, but he never responded until i told him i was walking away the first time. I still not have heard from him to this day.

Posted By Kelley on Wednesday 13th September 2017 @ 06:42:08


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