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10 Things a Submissive needs but won’t say out loud

10 Things a Submissive needs but won’t say out loud

1. Please touch us
Cuddle us, spoon us, grab the small of our backs. Kiss our foreheads and make us feel small. We crave your hands all over us. We love them no matter where they happen to land—be that on our asses or up our skirts.

Just. Touch. Us. It reminds us that we’re yours.

2. Take pride in us
Relish in the fact that we’re yours—that we belong to you and no one else. Smile when we enter the room because you know we’re walking toward you. It lets us know you care. It makes us want to be better for you.

3. Let us cry
When we are sad or angry or pissed the hell off. When we drink too much…especially when we drink too much, let us cry our eyes out. Let us be messes, with mascara running down our cheeks and pints of ice cream in our hands. Let us be okay with not being okay once in a while. This one requires no action from you, just that you be okay with it when it happens.

4. Forgive
Despite how hard we try, we will make mistakes. We will fuck things up, say things wrong, do things crazy, and when that happens we need you to forgive us. We’re not talking about immediate forgiveness, or that a price won’t often be paid for it, but forgiveness that comes eventually. We need to know that the slate has been wiped clean, all trespasses have been forgiven…and when it happens, don’t forget to let us know. See number 5.

5. Communicate… often!
We need this... If we don’t discuss something, it will fester in our brains forever, eventually driving us crazy. A three-minute conversation could ease hours of worry for us once an uneasy feeling sets in. If that can be prevented with a few sentences, please take the time to speak them. Honestly, like two seconds of your time could stop our heads from exploding….and you don’t want to clean up that mess, do you?

6. We want you to make us feel pretty
Not that you don’t make us feel super sexy pretty darn often, but once in a while, it’s good to actually hear. Tell us our ass looks great in our yoga pants, that our hair looks especially shiny today. Tell us you like our new boots. Notice something small and compliment us about it, and our hearts will swell for days. Compliments let us know what it’s like to look through your eyes. Those are glimpses of the world we don’t often get to see.

7. It’s the little things
Some of these are sounding cliche, but are just so fucking true. Sure, your big gestures of grandeur are admired, but it is often the small things that get our cheeks turning red. Leave a note on the mirror in the morning telling us to have a great day. Sit next to us during a movie you have no desire to see. Take the dog out in the morning so we can sleep in for an extra 10 minutes, remember what ice cream we prefer to eat when we cry. If you do these things, we’re yours for life.

8. Remember things
Speaking of little things, try to remember them. Things like how we take our coffee and the name of that bitchy girl who sits next to us at work. Remember anything. Three weeks from now, bust out some silly story we told you over dinner one evening in great detail. Remember something we’d never expect you to store into your internal drive. Remember our first concert together, and our best friend from kindergarten’s name. The more obscure the better.

9. Deal with us
When we’re singing in the car. When we drink too much wine. When we completely meltdown. Deal with our pasts, and when we don’t feel pretty. Deal with our stretch marks and insecurities, our early bedtimes, and exhaustion. Deal with our mood, and how we load the dishwasher the wrong way. These things silently tell us that you’ll be by our sides regardless of how nerdy, silly, or utterly hopeless we can get.
Finally, the most important thing we need from you that we’ll never say out loud:

10. Be the most stable thing in our lives
Be stronger than us. Be the one person in our world that won’t turn on us or walk away. When life becomes scary and confusing, and we just need something solid to hold onto, please be our anchor. It’s because of you that our awful days are easier to get through. Don’t be perfect. Just be there. It’s the only real requirement on this list.

Author: Erika Understood

Posted By Erika Understood

Updated : 4th December 2021 | Words : 767 | Views : 3668 | Comments : 1

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1 Comment


This almost brought me to tears.

I've struggled so damn long with my own inner demons and triggers left behind from when I was young and in an heavily emotionally abusive relationship. My entire self was shattered and remade into less than a shadow of my former self and its taken YEARS to get back to even a semblance of who I am - I still struggle with letting down my walls for friends, let alone a potential Domme/partner for fear of getting sucked down again. But after the past year and some serious self reflection and honesty with myself, i find that I am 10x stronger than ever and better suited to not only be a better partner, but a better Sub when the time is right. Half of the things on this list I desperately needed and was denied, for almost a decade, but now, I am honest and upfront with any potentials before we get too invested. I still have trouble communicating but I found that the second I catch myself replaying scenarios in my head or overthinking things, I contact the person in question, friend or lover and explain whats happening in my head so that it doesnt fester and cause paranoia.

Reading though all your articles that i feel are relevant to me, and im blown away by how close they hit to home every time.

Thank you again, for showing me that my needs, desires, and wants are not stupid or "asking too much" - That its okay for me to be a powerful woman and submissive to the right man/woman at the same time.

Posted By Arms Of Nyx on Monday 7th December 2015 @ 02:33:56


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