Respecting The Collar

It is sad to me to see this beautiful lifestyle becoming overrun by people who think that this is all about "play" or "kink" How has it become the norm to know someone you just met and call them your "Dominant" less than a few months and many times less than a month, let alone expect a collar from that person right away or be giving collars? Do you even understand the meaning behind a formal collar and how this symbol is not to be taken lightly nor is it to be a given so easily?

In standard everyday relationships one still takes the time to get to know a person before they commit into an "official" relationship, so why do some of you feel that just because this is BDSM the standards are not the same and you should just immediately jump in head first to a relationship? This is no different than regular relationships, if anything this is more important than a standard relationship because you are submitting to different and more intense factors that standard relationships do not have, we go deeper into the psyche, trust, respect, limits etc. You will at some point be at risk physically giving yourself over completely to your Dominant with no questions asked because of that deep trust you should have and that will not happen in a matter of days, weeks or even months, so how can you sit there and take this all so lightly without truly knowing what you're willing to do and wanting from one another?

If you are simply into the kink/sexual and fetish fulfilment then so be it, but do everyone a favour and say that, do not pretend to be in this lifestyle for more than what you truly want out of it just for a "quick fix" or to have someone to pass the time with until someone "better" comes along. There are many out there that Only want play partners, kink/sex and fetish so do not waste someone else's time and create false expectations simply to yank away that "collar" as quickly as you gave it. If you are not truly committed to that person, say openly and honestly where you stand so that person has a clear understanding of where they stand and choose to either stay or go. Stop with the manipulations and be honest with each other regardless of hurt feelings or them not hearing what they want to hear. In the end you'll gain at least some respect for being honest even if the other chooses not to continue with you.

Giving a collar does NOT make you a Dominant. Being collared does NOT make you a submissive. It does NOT validate either in their role, your actions do. I have been in the LS for years and I have never been collared, it has never been something I even think about because to me my submission is something that is mine and mine alone that no one, regardless of having a partner or not, will ever be able to change in me. No collar will ever “make” me more of a submissive or validate my worth. I hold the utmost respect for collars because of the deep emotional significance they represent They are sacred and to see so many out there using them without thought and care to what they truly represent, feel entitled to them, feel obligated to give them and downright think of them as a “status symbol” to fit in.

To me and many in the LS a collar is the equivalent to an engagement ring, so think about that for a moment. Would you accept/give an engagement ring to someone you just entered into a relationship with? Would you expect one right off the bat? Some may say yes, but in all honesty very few would ever give/receive such a significant item unless you have established a real foundation within your relationship because it is representing a much deeper commitment than just dating. It would lose it's meaning in my opinion if I were to get a ring from every person I had ever been in a relationship and I would seriously question the person giving me that ring and knowing they have given ring's to each and every woman they have been with. See where I am coming from with this?

We, who call ourselves BDSM Lifestyler's should always remain true to one thing and that is open and honest communication which is what our relationship foundation should be built upon first and foremost, without it we are nothing more than game players disrespecting the lifestyle we are supposed to be advocating.

~Harlow 11/12/14 (revised 2/2/16) BDSM Submissive Sensual Desires


Posted By Sully B

Updated : 30th July 2017 | Words : 788 | Views : 1314

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