D/s is about an imbalance of power, not about an imbalance of equity or importance.

The essence of a D/s relationship is an exchange of power. It's the quintessential element that separates it from a vanilla relationship or a kinky relationship.

That exchange creates an imbalance of power between the Dom and their sub. This is a consensual and negotiated exchange and is done because both parties want it so and it's something they desire. In their personal perspective, they feel it will be beneficial.

But that exchange should not create an imbalance of equity or importance. Meaning if you want the value and benefit of someone's submission, then you must provide them with the equal value of your dominant leadership and vice versa. If one party is not able to provide to the other party a certain quality of what they are providing compared to what they are receiving, then you'll have an imbalance of equity and one party will learn to resent the other and the relationship will not last.

There should also not be an imbalance of importance. While it may look like the dominant is more important because of the way the submissive will serve the dominants commands and protocols, that's an illusion and the importance amongst the two is equal. These protocols and expectations have been negotiated and agreed upon because both parties are equally important to the totality of the relationships functionality. This goes beyond emotions, they both need each other equally in order to have a working relationship. If one thinks of themselves as more important, it will cause an imbalance, not of power but of equity. This will cause resentment and one party will not want to either Dominate or submit to the other.

To sum it up. D/s is about a conscious and consensual imbalance of power, but not of importance. It's created in order to allow a Dom and sub to find purpose in the dynamic and to allow a balance among the two parties to where they can live, love and thrive in harmony with each other.

– Innermind
https://fetlife.com/users/3378635/posts/3013971


Posted By Sully B

Updated : 30th July 2017 | Words : 335 | Views : 1903

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