Entering into an alternative lifestyle can be exciting, scary, and fun all at the same time, but it can also be overwhelming. You are trying your best but still floundering, your partner is doing the same but it’s not flowing how it’s meant to…sound familiar?
It happens to us all at some point and reaching out to someone can be a huge help.
A mentor is your ‘go-to’ person. Not only someone you can trust, but someone you respect that has the same values/kinks as you. This can be someone you know who is also in the BDSM lifestyle or someone you can relate to online.
At some point you may need someone to guide you, give you advice or point you in a better direction down the path you are traveling…or maybe just someone to vent to. Nobody got to any great position in life on their own and no one is a professional strait up.
It is important for new subs…and Doms, to not only do their own research to where they fit but also have a like-minded person they can ‘check in’ with when needed. And let's face it, our vanilla friends just don’t get it. So how do you find one?
The most common way is to meet people with the same interests as you, but let's be real here, not everyone has access or wants to go to a munch. Munch’s are not for everyone and a lot of people don’t feel comfortable going, live too far away…or are just not interested. But it is worth finding people in your area and making friends. I have done this myself many times, made friends online with women who I could relate to, met them..and boom…I have lots of sub friends. Not scary at all since I already got to know these women online over a period of time.
If you prefer to keep your mentor out of your circle, that is fine too. Someone you can trust…and who is REAL, is always a great option as well. And trust me, someone already in the lifestyle has jumped all the hurdles you are about to so they will see things in a clear light.
A mentor is someone you have no physical contact with but does care about your relationship and how to get you to where you want to be. Because they are not IN your relationship, they can give advice from a non-bias perspective and help you see where you or your partner is going wrong.
What to look for…
My best advice is to watch the person you want to mentor you before you ask them. Watch their own personal behavior, the way they conduct themselves, and how they relate to others because this is ultimately how they will treat you. The goal is to make YOUR dynamics better, if they are jumping from one relationship to another or complaining about their life…this may not be the right person for you. If you see them blah blahing about other people constantly or surrounded by drama, they will treat you the same way.
Find someone with the same dynamics as you or the dynamics you are working towards, your mentor would have already walked the rough road before you to get to where they are now. Their advice could be priceless. I personally would never mentor a little as I am not one so would find it difficult to relate to their problems. So finding someone YOU can relate to is very important.
Privacy is a MUST with mentoring. Your mentor will not discuss your problems with others. This is not only a violation of your trust, but moral wrong…so choose carefully.
Be aware that a great mentor won’t sugarcoat advice for you. If you ask for honest advice or an honest opinion you will get it. They are not there to baby you or tell you what you want to hear, if you are being mental they will tell you. I know LOTS of admins on other pages who put in so much time giving out great advice only to be abused because the advice wasn’t what the person wanted to hear. YOU are responsible for your own behavior and if someone is volunteering their time to you, put in the effort and take the advice you asked for.
Mentors can become one of the most important people in your life…even if you only contact them once in a blue moon. They won’t demand your friendship or time but will give you their advice freely. Definitely something with thinking about.
Sully xx
Posted By Sully B
Updated : 4th December 2021 | Words : 768 | Views : 1707
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