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It’s OK not to have a collar

It’s OK not to have a collar

The meaning behind a collar is a significant one.
To the outsider it is usually seen as an odd thing, they think the wearer is trapped and confined to a life they don’t want, or it’s degrading to women, why would someone want to be ‘owned’ by someone else…you know how it goes, we have all heard it before. But to the person wanting one and wanting that deep commitment, the meaning is so much more.

Part of my daily life is making collars. I get to be a part of the inside depth of so many relationships and see the dynamics they share to get to the collaring stage. And being a submissive myself…I get it, I understand the depth of that bond.

But I also see the other side…the ‘velcro collar crew’ that want one or want to give one so bad that they don’t take time to really understand the meaning and deep significance behind it.

I just want people to understand that it is ok NOT to be collared. You are still loved.

Think of it as a marriage x one million. Regardless of your chosen dynamics, a relationship takes time to build… especially one in the world we live in where a power exchange is the most prominent part. This takes time, trust, learning, and patience…ohhh so much patience. And even more responsibility…on BOTH sides.

Now I’m not saying don’t collar your submissive. If it feels right for you, go for it as long as you are aware of what you are doing. If collaring had a mandatory ceremony, official registration, certificates of commitment etc…would you still do it? Are you prepared for the FULL commitment (both partners) to honor that collar? It’s a very real question.

There are many reasons a Dom won’t collar his submissive, and these are his reasons alone and you need to accept them. This may be nothing personal against YOU, but maybe he is just not ready in himself and doesn’t want to give something just because you want one to show off. Maybe his own learning is not yet complete, or he can’t give you the commitment you deserve yet, or maybe he just doesn’t want to. These are his choices to make…not yours.

A lot of Dominant’s want to make sure they are doing the right thing, it's not a velcro collar to them, they may be waiting to see YOUR level of commitment to THEM as well. What do you bring to the partnership?
And would you really want a Dom who has collared all his subs…or one that is waiting to find the ‘ONE’ he wants to own for life. To him, his collar has meaning and I’m sure he would not want to give it to someone because they constantly whine about it, or a sub who is a collar collector.

So many subs are eager to ‘be collared’ that they go as far as buying one themselves to GIVE to their Dom…to then make them give it back to them. I mean…come on…don’t be mental, why would the collar mean anything to you now.
I know subs that have been collared quickly only to be disappointed by the Dominant’s commitments because she believed his bond to her was his main intention, and I have knows subs who will never be collared because the Dom or submissive chooses not to.

So when you really look at why you are not collared, rather than get shitty about it, look at the flip side and think WOW…my Dom is a special one. This man does not take this commitment lightly, but when he is ready to bring out a collar for you, what a truly special moment that will be.


I write from a submissive point of view. Please read the word Dom to Master, Daddy, or whatever you identify as by changing the titles to suit yourself.
I also won’t use W/we, O/our, etc because it is damn painful to read. 

Posted By Sully B

Updated : 4th December 2021 | Words : 658 | Views : 1446

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