he same way you would build up ANY one’s confidence, be it a submissive, a slave, a little, a Master, a Dominant/me, a Daddy, a vanilla.
By looking at them as an individual and seeing where their issues lie.
Once again a post in Kinky & Popular on Fetlife has caught my attention and made me annoyed. In it the author claims the best way to build up a submissive’s confidence is to make her dress up in sexy lingerie, clothes, make up, heels and a new hair cut (and yes the article is assuming that all subs are female).
But seeing as how (once again) we are talking about women, let’s start there. It is no good telling someone that all they need to do is go out and buy a sexy dress, visit a day spa, get a hair cut, wear sexy shoes etc.
To someone who has self esteem issues, do you really think it’s a good idea by strongly implying that what they need to do in order for you to sleep with them, is to dress up, change their hair and get a full body M.O.T?
Really?
Do you think that’s the best way to go about things?
Because if so, you really don’t know much about women. All you’re doing is getting them dressed up for sexy times, in order to arouse you.
How do you make a woman feel confident and sexy?
Usually by engaging with them, by talking to them, by listening to them. And I don’t just mean chatting them up or faking an interest in their mind. If you are genuinely interested in a woman, one of the best things you can do to boost them up is treat them like a human being, not just seeing them as a body part for you to fuck.
What if the woman in question hates shopping?
It is a total stereotype that ALL women like it. It sends some into a veritable panicking mess. It’s a total stereotype that ALL women want/have tonnes of shoes. (I myself have a pair of doctor martin boots, a pair of trainers and a pair of kitten heel shoes and that’s it).
Treating women like a hive mind is NOT the way to ensure immediate self- confidence.
Taking photos of her!
Where do I start by saying this is quite often the WORST thing you can do?
I hate my photo being taken, and I mean hate it.
If I am made to stand there in lingerie, heels (that I never wear) and my face painted, all the time, someone taking photos of me, that would induce a massive anxiety attack. Every time I saw those photos, all I would be able to see is how someone thinks I should look, that that’s what I have to look like in order for them to find me attractive.
Every time I saw those photos, I’d hate the person who took them.
Ironically, the only thing that WAS NOTsex/image orientated that was mentioned was encouraging an interest or a project. And it WAS NOT elaborated.
This got my attention.
Why?
Because out of all the suggestions listed, THIS is the suggestion that would boost my confidence. Because it has everything to with the woman being a person and not a sex object (yes, I know a lot of women who love being used as such, but they are not the ones I am talking about).
If you suggest that the ways to boost a woman’s confidence all lie within her appearance, you are just perpetuating the myth that women are on the planet for men’s entertainment and pleasure.
They are people with intelligence, wit, wisdom, love, humor, and multifaceted.
Surely, they deserve to be treated as such?
When you want to build someone’s confidence up, you do not tear at their insecurities. By focusing on changing someone’s appearance, that is exactly what you are doing.
Not a good start at confidence building is it?
Author: Unknown
Posted By Author Unknown
Updated : 8th April 2015 | Words : 641 | Views : 5797
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