All you need to do is a basic internet search & you will find things like '5 ways to spice up your sex life' or 'Hot tips for great sex" but really...its all the same. Same boring advice that you could have figured out for yourself anyway. And is it really the advice people are looking for?
Society is so hell bent on making us think our sex life is not spicy enough or not the same as everyone else's so our sex lives must be dodgy, or not frequent enough, when all it does is just make people feel bad about themselves & their relationships.
No two relationships are the same & why should they be. As long as your needs are met as a couple, then that is a great relationship for YOU.
There are many couples, weather that be gay, hetro or whatever, who are very happy without sex being the focus for their happiness, then there are others who WANT to make it their main focus and other couples who choose not to have sex at all. None of these are wrong because it works for them. Just because people choose what works for them, no one has the right to say their sex life is not 'normal'.
So rather than give crappy tips like 'Try new positions' or 'Extend your foreplay' or other irrelevant blah blah, lets go back to basics. Here is my opinion & what has worked for us.
1. Self Respect
Remember when you first met your partner & you would make the effort to look nice, smell good and just make an overall good impression?
This should still be in place even after years together, not only to impress your partner but for your own self respect as well. If you respect yourself, your partner will respect you too & they will also make an effort for you. Im not saying dress up in your best clothes every day, just simple things like keeping you hair in a modern style, ladies get your nails done, men smell good & basically just dress nice. Stay healthy & embrace your body, if you don't feel sexy, regardless of your size, you won't look sexy. You will know you're doing the right thing if your partner stops to just check you out for a second.
Just because you have been with someone for years doesn't mean you can get complacent. Forgetting to notice little things they do or expecting them to KNOW you love them doesn't cut it. Complacency can be a real passion killer & just turns into a vicious cycle. If your partner thinks you don't care, why should they care back. Or worse still, if someone else appreciates them more, don't complain if their attention is directed at someone else. Relationships take constant work, if one partner tries & the other doesn't notice, it just builds resentment & goes down hill from there. Constantly remind your partner they are attractive to you, tell them you love them, stop for 5 minutes & just hug, but above all NOTICE things they do for you. Trust me, this will make a HUGE difference in the passion department.
3. Shower together
I cant stress enough how important this is, specially if you have kids. Spending 10 minutes in the shower with your partner is not only sexy, it can calm the mind to everything else going on in the crazy lives we live & let us focus on the person in front of us.
In the 10 (or in our case, more) minutes it is just the two of you. There is nothing more sensual than being naked & soapy with your partner. Use the time to reconnect, touch, kiss and basically just enjoy being together. Sex in the shower doesn't work for everyone, but it can be a great lead up to sensual bedroom activities because of the relaxation that the shower just caused.
4. Personal Habits
OK this just freaks me out. I personally DO NOT want to see my husband pee in the toilet, this screams PASSION KILLER to me.
Again, think back to when you met your partner...did you go to the toilet with the door open? Did you walk around naked all the time? Did you clean your ears or floss your teeth in front of them? NO, I bet you didn't. So why do it now? Watching someone pee is not sexy (unless you're into that) and seeing your nakedness on display all the time can desensitise you to what is actually an erotic body to play with.
Personal space is just that, personal. You don't need to know all the ins & outs of someone's grooming habits. And when it comes to sexy underwear be discreet...that's sexy, and leaves something to the imagination.
I left this one to last because it makes the most difference.
There is no relationship without communication. Without it it's just two people living in the same house hoping the other person will be what they need them to be. THIS DOESN'T WORK!
As we all know women are better at communicating than men, but that doesn't mean the men cant do it, you just need to find a way that works for you both. If talking is hard, start with writing an email. It gives the person writing it time to process their thoughts better and the person reading it time to process a better reply.
You can't assume that your partner needs or wants the same things as you in your relationship or sex life, they don't, they are not you. So how do you know what they want? Ask. Plain & simple...just ask. Starting a conversation is the hardest part, but when you do it will flow & seriously bring you closer together. As long as you both listen to each others needs you can't go wrong. Communicating is the foundation, if this is not solid, other parts of your relationship will crumble. If you value your partner at all, give them the attention they need & just talk.
I'm not here to dish out professional advice to you all, I have no degree in psychology or counseling but what I do have is a great marriage that we constantly work on and I genuinely want to make a difference to other couples lives. We keep things as the internet says 'spicy' by firstly applying all of the the above & having a basic respect for each other. The rest just flows how it should.
© Written by Sully Bear
Posted By Sully B
Updated : 15th October 2021 | Words : 1085 | Views : 3190