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Where to start in BDSM?

Where to start in BDSM?

This question comes up almost daily and the answer is always the same: “This is something that cannot be answered in a matter of a few message exchanges or a one time conversation.” I know people may think that they can learn it all with just a basic overview on BDSM but that is not how this works. You have to invest your time and energy to learn as you go because this is a very diverse lifestyle and not a one size fits all.

The following are some basic starting points I give folks that come to us for guidance:

* Do NOT rush to try and understand this all. (this is the mistake almost everyone makes when starting their Journey) You need to pace yourselves and understand that this is not a typical relationship or lifestyle you are seeking so with that being said you need to take your time to truly learn and understand what you look to achieve in the long run. Do you want a 24/7 lifestyle or is it just a bedroom dynamic you're seeking? What "role" you TRULY identify with? Many jump in thinking they are sub's or Dominant and come to find they actually do not fall into those roles once they start learning about them. Truly understanding and identifying YOU and your needs will save you a ton of frustration and time.

* Research, research, RESEARCH!! Yes it's very time consuming but you will never learn anything by just going off of what people say. You need to do your part to learn as much as you can so you can figure out exactly what you want to mold your relationship or yourself into. This is not a "one size fit's all" lifestyle as are most conventional relationships. This is extremely vast and multi- layered and will take time to have it all come together to work for you.

* COMMUNICATE openly and HONESTLY with your partner or a potential partner prospect on all levels and do not hold back on anything. The more you keep the lines open & honest with one another the easier it will be and will eliminate a ton or misunderstanding and not to mention pent up frustrations. Communication is a must and without it in this lifestyle you WILL FAIL.

* Resources! You have a world of info resources at your fingertips, google will surely become your new best friend. Google topics, such as BDSM, D/s Relationships, Daddy Dom's and Little's, fetishes etc.

* Join "Discussion" Groups- NOT social groups, the social grp's are nothing more than hook up groups and people looking to play. Discussion groups are a fantastic gateway in starting to learn as well as having additional support from people living the LS and also people just starting. A safe place where you can go and ask questions and get reliable valid info.

* Never settle on just one person giving you direction or guidance regardless of how long they say they have been in this LS. Make sure you do your part to ensure you get the right info you need in order to ensure your own safety.

* Join Fetlife.com. Contrary to popular belief this is not just a dating site, there is a ton of good folks out there just willing to help and support beginners. Make platonic friendships and have like minded people you can talk to and bounce thing's off of. Look through the groups as there are a ton of helpful discussion groups in there as well. Search topics to learn about. Search your immediate area for munches and events to attend.

* Trust your gut! If you feel something is not right, listen to your gut because it is more reliable than our mind and heart in many cases.
To end, just remember that good thing's come with patience and knowledge. This is not something you want to go into winging it because you will only set yourself up for failure and potentially get hurt.

~Harlow October 10. 2015 BDSM Submissive Sensual Desires


Posted By Harlow

Updated : 2nd December 2021 | Words : 677 | Views : 6057

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