There is a popular .gif on Fetlife. It usually has a picture of a female in some form of bondage or a submissive pose, with the words "If you want my submission - Earn it." This .gif always makes me consider a scenario where a submissive tells this to her new Dominant and then settles back and waits for Him to show her how worthy He is of her submission. She's always ready to point out how unworthy He is if things aren't going her way. Always ready to point out how well she can submit when she likes how things are progressing.
Bear with me here, I understand that my imagined scenario isn't how all people react.
But, I bet there are a lot of submissive type folks who do. Especially new ones. And it makes me wonder how many good Dominants get passed over, or how many misunderstandings are created, because of a submissive (or Dominant) who has a misconstrued notion of what that sentence really means.
The truth is, it's a two way street. And while it IS true that a Dominant has to put in some time and effort in order to take a submissive from a state of 'being submissive' to a state of 'being A submissive' he can't do that unless his girl is willing to put in the work required to earn his Dominance.
If you want a Dominant - you have to earn it.
In the beginning stages of a D/s relationship the Dominant does not technically have a submissive. Nor does the submissive technically have a Dominant. The roles that will classify a D/s relationship don't happen like magic. You can say you are His submissive all you want, but until you 'feel' submissive to him, and that bond is formed-you are not his. The same goes for the Dominant, he is not YOUR Dominant until he feels that he is.
A Dominant has to take a submissive on a journey. He sets up repetitive rituals in order for the submissive to learn what it feels like to submit. He requires her to do things that make her feel uncomfortable so that she can learn how it feels to submit through her discomfort. He rewards her so that she can see how good it feels to please him. He punishes her so that she can know what his displeasure feels like.
A Dominant can't perform any of the actions he feels will lead toward a fulfilling D/s relationship if the submissive doesn't make a pact with herself that during this learning stage she will submit through all things. She will watch her words so that she doesn't inadvertently take His power away-or change their dynamic. She will be respectful and communicate completely. She will hold nothing back. She will not criticize, ask 'Why?", or refuse Him in any way*.
She should be fearless in her submission. Not afraid to commit completely, nor scared to walk away if necessary.
A submissive makes this pact so that the Dominant can FEEL what it's like to have her submission. So that he will understand how important it is that he do what he must in order to keep her in this wonderful state of submission. I can't speak to what a Dominant feels when a submissive is bending easily to his will. But I expect it is intoxicating. Something to cherish.
I can speak as a submissive, though. And I truly can't find enough adjectives to express how erotic and comforting it is to hand my will over to my Sir. The calm, grounded feeling that He gives me is better than Xanax. He's my drug. His Dominance is something to cherish. I have to do my part to earn and keep it.
One day, if both the Dominant and submissive are working to earn their respective places within the D/s relationship, things just click. Suddenly you are interacting in a way that let's you know that you aren't just being submissive - you ARE a submissive and you HAVE a Dominant.
And you belong to each other. The bond was earned by you both.
*The only time a submissive should refuse is if her health, family, or job would be in jeopardy. And if that point is reached - then most likely the D/s dynamic has been compromised. A submissive has to trust that her life and valuable relationships will never be altered, harmed, or destroyed by her Dominant. This is when she should NOT be afraid to walk away.
Posted By Serene
Updated : 16th October 2021 | Words : 104 | Views : 6452