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Not all Submissives ARE Submissive

Not all Submissives ARE Submissive

I asked a long-time fan of BB to write something for you all. He put himself out there to help any other Dom struggling with a sub who is not a sub. It shows that it's not only the submissive that get taken for a ride...Doms are just as vulnerable. He is a regular on this page and in our closed group, so if you have questions for him, he will happily answer you in the thread below or in the group. This is his story...

What you are about to read is my encounter, my experience, and my heart. I want to give anyone the knowledge by my story to realize what they have or think they have in their submissive.

As Dom’s, we would like to think that we have our shit together; That we are in complete control of our faculties, our lives, and our lifestyle. That we are a Manly Men, a provider, and most importantly her Dom. Those that are brave will tell you that even as a Dom we can get lost or even hurt.
I have always cherished people and wanted to care for them with no restrictions and boundaries. I have always felt the need to be in charge. So when I found the lifestyle, or should I say a Mistress, who introduced me to the lifestyle without me knowing her plan, I knew right away where I stood. I am a and have always felt as if I am the Guy.

October 2014, I was at a gas station and I saw what I thought… and still think, was the most beautiful woman in the world. I had been officially divorced for almost 2 years and the whole process took 4 years to get through, so I was ready. 

As I walked past this woman, I told her she ‘dropped her smile’ and continued into the gas station. I was a bit antsy because I wanted to talk with her so I kind of rushed the girl at the counter by saying, ‘I need you to hurry up, I need to know that girl on pump four!’ I reached her car as she was about to leave, we talked to her for a minute, exchanged numbers but she didn’t reach out for a couple of days.

However, when she did it was fast and furious. We had conversations about our likes and dislikes. I found out she was into BDSM which was a relief because I was looking for someone who was willing. Before I knew it we are spending every moment together, getting to know each other and building that trust that I thought we needed to go to the next level. For some reason, we could not get there. I was not sure why but I was not about to push it. It is about building a relationship.

So we make it to 3 months, mind you, she has already moved in with me, I am caring for her and her son, and then we have a blowout. However, it is while she is drunk which seems to be the norm and I can’t get her to slow down. So we ‘break up’ she takes off with her box of stuff, and we part ways. I am beside myself because here is this beautiful woman that I have quickly grown to trust and love but because she couldn’t get what she wanted we fought.

Right after 50 Shades came out she started hitting me up again. Texting, Facebooking me (Was blocked), and calling. Wanting to come over but not saying it so I had to take charge again. This time it was different like a whole new woman. She wasn’t drinking as much or that I could tell, we made a contract, she served, and next thing you know I am back with her and making sure the woman I love is ok.

However, the serving part was selective. When I created the scenes it worked…it was awesome…..then the drinking…it got worse…to the point where on her fourth night of drinking, as her Dom, her protector, and her now Fiancé, I wanted her to come to bed lay her head down on my shoulder and sleep. She was not happy, well she was drunk. She reached over and said ‘Is this what you want “Sir” you want to fuck me “Sir”?’ She grabbed my cock and balls with both hands and began to pull hard. I tried to turn over and she grabbed me and pulled on me and started pushing me. She ripped my necklace off and said ‘You don’t deserve to wear this’ At that time I got up to get away from this woman as she was way out of her mind and drunk. She said, ‘I can hurt myself and make it look like you did it and call the cops!’ I left the room and got her brother and his then-girlfriend and had them make sure I was ok.

I left! I got out! As She was telling me to leave and kicking me out of her brother’s house (longer story) the feelings of anger she had turned to made me feel guilty about leaving because her son would miss me ‘You going to leave my son like this’ That was bad! I was hurt and she wanted to make it worse by bringing her son into the argument.
Homeless, no plan, and no money because she could spend….I had to get myself back on my feet. In 10 days I was able to secure a three-bedroom place, buy all new/used stuff to furnish this place, and be about to support a domicile for myself and my kids when they visited. While doing this she was talking to me again and I think because of what she said about her son I felt I had to stay in his life somehow. She would text me, she wanted to see me, then she would call and say how come you could not do this while we were together….Then one night she and her brother’s girlfriend, whom she never really liked, had a falling out, and at 2:30 am I got the ‘come pick us up call’ and I do. Next thing I know we are together again and it's happening all over again.

Looking back I felt stuck but I believe I wanted to make sure the kid was ok. So my Dom role, I was the protector of her and her son, provided yet again, and she would play. Right before Christmas last year I was laid off. The money wasn’t as large and then I noticed it. Her drinking was increasing and becoming more despondent. Passing out on a planned night alone, leaving me in the hospital by myself, and not introducing myself to my best friend of 26 years. I knew it was time.

She was not a submissive or as one put it not a respectful submissive. That week I broke it off and she could not wrap her head around it. Even after 14 months of our knowing each other she still couldn’t recognize how serious I was. 

I am probably missing some stuff and I know that it will be added to this seamlessly but I have realized that my submissive whilst I loved her and wanted to care for her and take care of her, she was just a Narcissist, a runner, and cold! If she did not get what she wanted she was out. 
What I realized is while I am a DOM we have times in our lives where we are weak or something has broken us down. She found that weakness in me and pounced on it. I did not see it coming! Never again will I be broken down whilst I am already at that point. I know the signs now! I have a recovery period because of her and this is my therapy but life must roll on. I still attend FETLIFE events locally because I love ropes and am learning!

- Sir Todd

Posted By Sir Todd

Updated : 4th December 2021 | Words : 1335 | Views : 2938 | Comments : 2

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What a great post, even someone in a submissive role can cause damage to their dom.

Posted By Kyrene on Tuesday 5th April 2016 @ 11:44:31


I'm sorry this happened to you Sir Todd. I had a similar situation with a man playing at being a Dom. It is very painful to feel you've invested so much, laid yourself bare only to realize the other person is only interested in how the relationship benefits them. I hope my true Dom will find me one day, but in the meantime, I will work to better myself so that He will recognize me. I hope your healing is complete. Thank you for sharing your story.

Posted By Lady L on Monday 7th March 2016 @ 12:51:36


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