Recognising a Respectful Dominant

Masked Sub

How do you deal with finding a Dom who respects that women ARE actually people? I often find myself struggling to fully commit to a D/s relationship as I always seem to end up with men who believe it’s just their right to make me do things, without caring that a Dom should also earn his sub’s respect and treat her well?

It’s a problem, one I’ve learned - over the years - to identify pretty quickly. Even then, I’ve broken things off with a number of men. (By the way, this ‘release’ bullshit? As in asking to be ‘released’ from your dominant? Oh, hell no. This is a RELATIONSHIP, and if the relationship isn’t working you end it.)

You do not need permission to end a relationship.

It’s one thing to be told, “You’ll do as you’re told,” but it’s quite another to be told that in regard to something you’ve expressed is a limit. Yes, I’ll do as I’m told within the boundaries we’ve discussed and agreed upon, absolutely! If it’s something I’ve already expressed is a no, then no… I will not do as I’m told. And I’ll be leaving now, all the best to you.

Does he disregard your feelings about something? Laugh or say, “Well, we’ll see”? Does he only want to get together for the sex/play…and really have no interest in hanging out with you otherwise? And he may say the right words (he’s no fool, this one!), but what is actually happening? Do you go out? Do you know his friends or family? Or are you ordered/commanded to do things throughout the day, and only see him when it’s time to ‘submit’?

A lot of people like to play, and ONLY play. And some people are open to play while they keep an eye open for The One. I’m not like that. I want a normal/vanilla-looking relationship (to the outside world); where I eventually know his friends and family… where we go to dinner and movies and spend the weekend doing beach things, or camping things, or cleaning out the garage things. He and I will know my ass is red (or will be after the kids are in bed!), but my red ass is not the central focus of the relationship. It’s a factor, though. And a pretty big one. But it’s not the only thing.

(In case that wasn’t clear, I was referring to the factor being big… not my ass.)

Long story, short: Choose men who know how to use their words and who actually listen. Communicate what you want, and communicate - clearly - what you don’t. If you’re unsure about something, that’s ok. If something comes up at a later date that you hadn’t thought about or considered, that’s ok, too. It’s not too late to talk about it. It’s never too late to talk.

Find out what their expectations are, and be realistic and honest about whether or not it’s something you really want. If it is, come to an agreement… what’s on the table, what’s off, etc. Doesn’t sound very sexy, but it is SO important. You don’t have to have a manifesto ready, but you do need to know your limits and expectations - and that can absolutely include being treated with respect at all times.

Once you’re clear, it should be pretty apparent if the guy gets it or not. And if he doesn’t? Simple. He can’t have you.

Credit: https://subgirlygirl.com


Posted By Sully on 24th July 2019

Updated : 24th July 2019 | Words : 577 | Views : 620

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