Beyond the Fairytale

Over my time of running Beautifully Bound I have come across so many women and men who have either asked my advice, or asked questions in a public forum…and it’s always the same thing “How do I make my partner kinky”. So the below is related to those already in a relationship.

To answer this honestly…you can’t MAKE anyone do anything. If you want to take the time and GROW into it together…it can usually work, but not all the time.

Relationships on any level take work and commitment. Not just now…but forever. People grow not only in size, they grow mentally and emotionally. Some more than others…and others just stay stupid but we won’t worry about them today. So if you want your relationship to mature and grow how it is meant to in a new direction, you need to either grow together and work at it, or go it alone and find someone more suitable for you.

But back to the question…

For the women who ask this question…before you class yourself as a submissive and go into sub frenzy, and hate all over your partner for not dominating you the way YOU think it should be, look at your decision from a rational point of view. Head first…not your heart. 

I mean really look at yourself, your character, your nature, how you carry yourself and ask yourself this…

‘Is this really me?

‘Can I really submit fully to a man?’

‘Can I be THAT dedicated to another human being?’

‘Can I put myself last so HIS needs are met before my own?’

9 out of 10 times the answer will probably be no…you may like the ‘idea’ of submission but are more suited to just liking kinky sex. And that is fine too and just as fun.

There has sadly been a lot…and I mean a LOT of women who have left their husbands because they have found their ‘submissive side’ and think the grass is greener on the kinky side of the fence. I hate to break it to you, but for those that have lived the life for a long time, it is really no different. Yes the bond is usually greater and the dynamics are a bit different but at the end of the day its still a relationship with the same life pressures, kids, work etc…not some magical fairytale it is portrayed to be.

Literature and media have opened a whole new world for so many, and while this is a really great thing, there can also devastating consequences for the partner.

Put yourself in his shoes for a second. He has a wife, Girlfriend or whatever for as long as they have been together and then all of a sudden BOOM, she is different. He probable doesn’t even know what a submissive is.

Ladies you need to understand that not all men are dominant by nature, your partner may not be comfortable or even interested being a Dominant and by making him feel bad about ‘being vanilla’ is not only damaging to him…its cruel. Men don’t show emotions as much as women but you will hurt them all the same. If he loves you, work WITH him and not against him. Provide him with great info away from the classic leather clad dungeon look and find what works for you BOTH. I have stockpiled great writings on our blog.

I ask you to stand in front of your man and look at him. Not look at him as he gets ready for work, or putting the rubbish out, but look at him as the man you first laid eyes on and fell in love with. You fell in love with him for a reason and those reasons are still there. Its not his fault he is unaware you are now submissive…i’m sure if you showed some kind of sign before this… things would be different now for you. Your new found happiness and desire for something more is not more important than his, he may not have the same desires…yet. More often than not he does but just can’t express them because he doesn’t know how.

So what do you do… Be patient. 

New subs want it all NOW and if their existing partner won’t give it to them they get angry and blame the partner for not giving them what THEY need. Some even look franticly on social media for the magical ‘Dom’ who will sweep them off their feet. Seriously…it won’t happen. Most ‘internet’ Dom’s are not even Doms. 

This is not about you though…you don’t call the shots on how YOU want to be dominated or how your Dom wants you to behave. Yes you are entitled to have your say and your limits must always be respected but if you agree to submit to a Dom, SUBMIT. If you find submission hard, it may not be for you…what is the hard bit anyway? If you have to TRY and be submissive…ask yourself why.

Be the submissive you ‘think’ you are, you have no right to tell him how to do it ‘properly’, every Dom is different and you may find the man that knows you the best is the best one for the job. 

So patience, respect and learning your own way TOGETHER is usually a better way to go.

For the men who ask this question…I am not a man so I can’t answer from a mans point of view, but I can say what women are saying.

Women are not concerned about your job, if you wear a suit or have a million dollars. They want to be treated well and have you just as dedicated to the title you have given yourself.

If your woman is not kinky, you can not force the issue. Dealing with a woman is a whole lot different than dealing with a man. She needs to TRUST you have her best intentions at heart. If you are not confident in your approach or the roll you want to fill she will see right through it and have no confidence in your ability as a Dom. 

A lot of women have a nature desire to be dominated…now I am not talking about grabbing a hand full of hair strait up and shoving her face into a pillow, I’m talking about a confident, secure man she can depend on if she needs you. You will be surprised what a woman will do with a confident man who takes the lead and not the lazy road. But this takes work…a lot of work somethings but it is worth it.

Again, just like I said above, educate her on the more sensual side of a D/s relationship to start with. Let her know what YOUR roll for her is so she will never have to question you or your intentions. If you want to get a little freaky, let her know she is safe with you and your are dedicated to HER well being.

If you go by the title of Dom, Master, Daddy or whatever you like to be called, BE THAT! Kinky sex aside, be the man she needs.

Don’t put in a half assed effort with a woman who you are asking to submit everything to you. She doesn’t have to worship you and you can’t MAKE her because you have a Dom hat on or you have a fancy set of cuffs. She will choose that on her own if you are WORTHY of submitting to. She can take that away at any time.

But at the end of the day…don’t throw away something because you think the kinky side of the fence is better. You will often be open to disappointment and lose the one person who loved you the most.

Sully
Beautifully Bound

EMAIL : [email protected]


Posted By Sully B

Updated : 30th September 2017 | Words : 1302 | Views : 2406

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