RED FLAG LIST for both Males and Females entering into the BDSM Lifestyle
- Compiled by the members of Beautifully Bound’s closed FB group.
This list will grow as time goes on.
Sex talk straight up
Demanding straight off that you call him or her by certain titles
Asking for intimate pics at the start
Saying you cannot have a safeword
Sending cock shots…like we are interested in that
Having you stop contact with family and friends
If they don't give you their REAL name...they are usually married or faking it for fun
Ask what kinks they are into. If it's just handcuffs and spanking, they are new and usually have no idea what they are doing
Ask what they want to achieve with their submissive, what is his role to her. If it's sexually based first up, they again are usually new
Ask what work they have done on themselves to advance their knowledge, who they look up to. This is for both Doms and subs
How did they get into the lifestyle, or what motivated them to follow this path? An honest person will openly tell you
There should be no secrets if there are no secrets!
Make sure you the Domme/Dom ask them to write down a list of hard/soft limits for later discussion
Expecting you to follow a protocol and wear a certain attire when meeting for the first time
Ask why they prefer the title Master rather than Dominant. How did he earn the Master's title?
Referring to you as their sub, Mistress, slave, etc before you even meet. A title is earned not asked for
Collaring after a week is classed as a Velcro collar. A sub wanting a collar more than the bond or a Dom wanting to collar someone too quick just means they are collector subs/Doms
Having a potential sub expect Domly Dom at the initial meet... I don't bring My A-game to coffee, W/we may not even like each other
Anyone who is not open to meeting other subs or Doms in the community, either at a munch or smaller get-togethers
Ask them who they 'go to' for advice if needed or what websites, blogs or groups they follow to learn
Ask for "references" and run if they deny them
Question tasks that are given so you do everything while they just chill
A Dominant will NEVER ignore his submissive...EVER
If he/she gets irate when a simple question is asked and then shuts you out as punishment
Watch and listen to how they conduct themselves. If they have no respect for themselves, they won't for you either
If they are not available after hours. Run. You need someone you can call or talk to at any time and know they'll be there
Not understanding that real-life issues can come up and punishing you for things beyond your control
If there is a contract. He must lie you adjust it to suit you both. You both must sign it and BOTH be committed to it
They don't care about your mental and emotional wellbeing
They do not know you but suddenly your name is "slut" right off the get-go
If there is nothing other than kinky sex, as in nor continued learning, communication, understanding of changing needs or limits...you are just having kinky sex.
If subs assume you will fix all first world problems because you are a Dom...forgetting you are human and also make mistakes
Mental Health needs or childhood issues to be taken into consideration if there is any and MUST be worked on slowly and gently with compassion and care. This goes for both sides
Anyone who says they have no limits or wants someone who has none
For the Domme's/Doms, if the sub immediately starts asking about sex or sexual gratification
Someone who wants multiple slaves is usually just a basement dweller who is a lazy bum
Slaves that beg for a Master or Mistress just want wank fodder
Subs that are quick to submit. If they submit to you that easy they will submit to anyone
Asking for details of how you punish your subs
Open Frank discussion is essential in building a firm base for the relationship, if either isn't prepared to talk it's a red flag
Kik???....Snapchat??? Bugger off kid and get back to school
I'm sorry, and I'm fully aware that younger people find who they are early (I was 19)...but a 19-year-old is not a Master or an experienced Dom
No aftercare by the dominant after a scene leaving the sub feeling emotional, vulnerable and feel like they have failed
Any male that asks or is very interested in your kids
Dom's that demand you use a particular title from initial contact or use titles on you without agreement
Public meeting for initial meet choose somewhere discrete enough and quiet enough to talk, but still has people in earshot if things go badly
NEVER meet in a hotel room…EVER
Asking for things that have previously and CLEARLY been expressed as a hard limit
A true Dom will present himself as a gentleman foremostly honorable & respectful to women, not a power-hungry chauvinistic egotistical know it all. Tread carefully...
They will be patient
Ask if they are married or have another sub. Ask about her. Ask if she knows and is okay with him looking for other subs. Ask if you can talk to her
They should be interested in the betterment of you. ie: helping to further your education, career, life goals, etc. not just sex. A true Dominant wants his submissive to be at her/his full potential, in every aspect of her/his life.
When a "dom" says the term "no" is not acceptable, in any context = Red flag
When subs try "topping from the bottom "
I think it can pretty much be summed up as 'Respect'. I think being a dom and being a gentleman are kinda codependent. I never speak harshly to anyone I'm with or forget my manners or allow them to forget theirs. Respect must go both ways in ANY healthy relationship, D/S or otherwise.
Trust your instincts...if you feel uncomfortable, pressured, overwhelmed in a negative way, or just have a nagging gut feeling that something is not quite right, then step back, take the time to consider is this right for you (applies to D-types and S-types)
If they are treating it as more of a game, fad, short-term fun...don't play along, they are really just attention-seeking. Find someone who is interested in growing as a person in an L/s dynamic. You will bring out the best in each other.
Consider how/where you come to meet them as an indication of how serious and they are. For example, if they send you a naked photo, nothing-in-common friend request, PM, then they are probably not for you. Just as you would in the vanilla world, consider the first impression they have made on you and think about how genuine they appear to be
t's ok to walk away! Don't think you have failed or that this is not for you. Sometimes things just don't work out or it may have taken you a little longer to spot a fake. Look out for yourself first
Anyone that is looking for a collar right off the bat, anyone looking to collar you right off the bat
If your available partner suddenly becomes unavailable or inconsistent
Don’t forget Common sense people... Listen to your intuition
Anyone who says 'hey slut, I own you now'. *Throat punch till they pass out*
Never hide anything and never tell lies
Posted By Sully B
Updated : 4th December 2021 | Words : 1267 | Views : 5932
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