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Questions to Ask a Dominant Before You Decide to Submit

Questions to Ask a Dominant Before You Decide to Submit

The first thing to understand is an experienced Dominant (I am using the term Dominant to encompass all Tops gender inclusive) will not be in a hurry with the vetting process. They will want to get to know you, should want to know all about you, even have some questionaries to fill out.

If they right away want to start giving tasks , giving rules, or trying to scene, these are red flags and you should think twice. These questions SHOULD be asked face to face so you can see and gauge their reaction. None of these questions should be answered with 1 or 2 short sentences.

There are a lot of assholes predators out there YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY.

1. A Day With You - What is a day like with you in role and what is a day like with you out of role? Detail should include something a bit more than just "Well, we get in the morning and have breakfast and then I do some bondage with you and give you a list of chores," or "I'm a funny guy that loves exploring new things with a wonderful female."


2. A Difficult Scene - What is the most difficult scene you have ever done and why and what did you learn from it? "I have never had one" is of course bullshit, every Dominant has had one and should be open about it, it's how we learn.


3. Punishment - What is the most elaborate or most difficult punishment you had ever given, why did you give it, what did it accomplish and what did you learn from it? What would you had done differently next time? Do you distinguish between discipline and punishment? if so how?


4. Safety Philosophy - Could you elaborate on your interpretation of "Safe, Sane and Consensual", "Responsible, Respectful, and Trusting", "Risk Aware Consensual Kink" ? Which one do you follow? Or do you follow something else when it comes to being responsible for safety....yours and mine?


5. Aftercare - Could you explain how you perform 'aftercare'? Or why you don't? once again this should be lengthy and include that it is person specific, no 2 people need the same aftercare.


6. Cues - What are 'cues' in a scene? How do you know how to progress in a scene....intensity, tools to change to, rest periods between? will i get water? if bound will i be unbound?


7. Identification Needed - If I decide to meet you are you prepared to tell me ahead of time how I can contact you, your full real name, where you live and work, your home and cell numbers, references? ALL OF THESE ARE NON-NEGOTIABLE. if they balk on any of these it usually means they have something to hide.


8. Meetings - Are you willing to meet with me several times before we play together if I so choose?


9. It’s My Decision - Are you willing to accept that I am not your submissive until " I " make the decision to be such a person to you or when " I " decide to ask you if I could be such a person for you, and that " I " will not be acting or being a submissive until I feel comfortable in doing so, before that decision to serve, obey or please you is made by ' me '? And I choose to do that....what will you do? Do you agree to a contract?


10. Nurturing - How do you nurture a submissive to build trust and the desire in her to continue to submit to you? Do you micro-manage her? Do you build on what you find out about her potential? Do you lay down rules for her to follow? Do you provide guidance along the way? Do we do timeouts to discuss progress and problems?

11. Why Top Others? - Why do you do this and what do you get out of it? Once again detailed answer

12. Safewords - Do you use safewords? If so...what ones to you like to use? When are they allowed? How do you like them expressed to you? Do you always allow them? Will you always respect them? Can I give them up?


13. Health Issues - How do you handle those with health issues? Give me some examples?


14. Won’t Do - What won't you do?


15. Dream Scenes - What do you want to do to a slave or submissive that you haven't yet done?


16. Peeves - What are your pet peeves about a person? How do you manage them if you choose to continue to play with them?


17. Food and Drink - How do you initiate replenishing of a submissive under your control and during play?


18. Play Types - What are the differences between M/s, D/s, T/b play? What works best for you? Do you play with those who are different than your typical kind of play style? Is what you do play, role-play, or lifestyle?


19. Orchestration - How do you orchestrate a scene from start to finish?

20. Sex and Orgasm – Are these important to you? Do you need them? Do you provide these to your slave or submissive? And if not, why?

These are some very good questions to ask to get a better idea about prospective Dominant and if you want to add some of your own even better. Sexual, physical and emotional abuse of female subs is sky rocketing, it is a daily occurrence, there is a SHIT LOAD of guys pretending to be Dominants just looking for someone naive to take advantage of. If they will not do any of #7 look some place else because they have something to hide mainly they are married or committed.

Don't be in a hurry you are RESPONSIBLE for your safety. Be careful be smart

Dominant JM


Posted By Dominant JM

Updated : 3rd December 2021 | Words : 985 | Views : 64218

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