The Alpha Submissive Female

The Alpha Submissive Female

I have been reading quite a lot lately how certain Doms think there is no such thing as an Alpha Sub. Guess what? I've got news for you because I am one of those things that you don't think exist. I am an Alpha Sub, and I am extremely proud of that.

Some may laugh and snigger about this, but I am a sub because I chose to be a sub. Make no mistake about that. I choose to submit to my Dom, I choose to freely give my control to my Dom. But he who I choose to be my Dom, must, beyond any measure, prove himself worthy of my submission, worthy of my respect, and most of all worthy of my love.

Now for those Doms that are scared of that dreaded L-word, I have two words. Grow Up!! If you think for one second, that a sub that freely chooses to submit to you, to your structure, your discipline, to your everything, that she will not fall in love with you, you must truly think that you are the Sun and the Universe revolves around you. Any Dom that is worth his weight in gold, knows, without a doubt, that his sub, will fall in love with him, and more than likely he with her. It doesn't matter how his sub has come to submit to him, through it being her nature or through the Dom breaking her, it is inevitable that this will happen.

As for my case, my Dom knows how he received the gift of my submission. My mind, my body, my feelings, and my emotions are such a big and difficult part of me to give, but for him, I try very hard, and I do give these things freely to him.

But as an Alpha Sub, here is the difference between me and a sub that is naturally submissive in all aspects of her life.

I will not submit to a Dom just because he is a Dom. To Dom me, you have to be a really special kind of Dominant.

As an Alpha Sub, I will hold the bar and expectations of my Dom higher than what other subs will. If I am expected to give my all, I expect that my Dom will give his all as well.

Open honest communication, and lots of it is something that I expect. Some things that my Dom says will hurt me, and some things that I say will hurt him. If it is said in an honest way, without the intention to purposefully hurt, it adds strength and security to the relationship. Just because something is hard to say, I do not expect my Dom to let it go out of fear of a difficult conversation.

I do not accept for one second that the D/s relationship or the M/s relationship is not equal between the people involved. Because if it is a good match the Dom will complement the sub and visa-versa. And really, if we are all being honest, the Dom is not a Dom without his submissive, and the sub is definitely not a sub without her Dom.

Both the Dom and the sub complete each other.

Where things get interesting is when the Alpha sub is thrown into the equation.

The Alpha sub is a strong confident woman. Quite often outside of the D/s relationship she is a powerhouse unto herself. She expects respect, she expects things to be done a certain way. She expects that she will intimidate men of all types. She knows how to work a crowd, she knows how to be the center of attention. This woman is as comfortable being the leader of an organisation as she is at handing the reins over to someone else who she feels is worthy of being her protégé. The Alpha Sub woman is very close to being a perfectionist in everything that she does and expects others to follow her example. What she gives, she gives freely but does not expect to be stabbed in the back with what she has freely given.

When the Alpha Sub contacts her Dom she does so for a variety of reasons. Most times when she contacts her Dom it is because she needs something. Although she can stand on her own two feet perfectly well, she does not like to admit that she needs her Dom. It is not easy for her to show her emotions. If she is threatened, she is like a clam and closes up so tight, that her Dom is nearly back at square one with her, until she feels comfortable enough to let him back in and work with him to fix her world.

The needs of an Alpha Sub are complex and so much more than any other sub. Hence the rewards of the Dom are so much sweeter because of the fact that he has chosen an Alpha Sub, who by all accounts is not a woman who is easily satisfied.

The Alpha Sub, when she finds and develops the understanding and trust with her Dom, will fight off anyone who threatens her Dom. When she finds her Dom, he becomes the most important aspect of her life. She will depend on him, she will open up to him and she will do anything that he wishes of her. But take away her confidence in the relationship, or take away her need for open honest communication, she will start questioning herself and her worth.

Doms, if you think you have found an Alpha Sub, hang in there. She wants to please you, she wants to submit to you. She needs to know that you are worthy of all of her, she needs to know that you are not going to waver in your conviction of a D/s relationship with her. It will be an effort on both parts, but once you have that deep understanding and knowledge of each other, she will not want or need any other Dom ever. Be prepared for her, when and if she decides to give, she will give everything that she can.

Alpha Subs - do not let any Dom ever tell you that you are not a real submissive because you have strong convictions, ideals, and expectations. The truth is, a lot of Doms do not know how to handle an Alpha Sub, we scare them, we make them think we are too much work. The Doms just don't realise that when they put the time and effort in, they will potentially have a strong sub, capable of just about anything, and she will and want to be his, probably for life.

– Sirs_Slut_Cielle
Posted with approval from the author. Please keep the credit attached.

Posted By Sirs Slut Cielle

Updated : 4th December 2021 | Words : 1112 | Views : 114668 | Comments : 6

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I'm going to admit, I have difficulty with this post. It reminds me quite a bit of how I felt when I first started learning about D/s. As a lifelong feminist daughter of feminists, coming to terms with my desire for power exchange was a long process. Fortunately, a wonderfully powerful submissive woman mentored me along my journey to acceptance.

The 'but I'm special' stop was one of the first along my path. There was a time when I might have identified as an 'alpha submissive'; with all of the amazingness spelled out in this article. However, it quickly became obvious that having a mind of my own, making wise choices about who I offer my submission, submitting out of desire rather than need; these things did not make me unique or special.

Most submissive people I know fall in line with the descriptions in the above post. So if this makes them alpha, the question is, in comparison to whom. It is submissives who keep most events and organizations within the lifestyle ticking over. We are expert at getting shit done. And quite capable of going toe to toe with anyone who becomes an obstacle to that goal.

I'm sorry. But the people you describe in this post are not a special class of submissives, they are more the rule than the exception; whether they consider themselves 'naturally' submissive or not

Posted By MuseF on Saturday 5th January 2019 @ 18:33:57


What a beautifully written piece. Iv'e not heard the term Apha sub until recently but now in everyway it's what I realise I am. I'm tired of being told that I'm not a sub, because I am, just not to everyone. I studied human psychology to university level and I enjoy (and am used to) battling for my grounds, but it was when I met my Dom that I found my rival. He doesn't take it from me, I push, he pushes back and slowly he cracked away that tough exterior. the sub in me that comes out when we play almost frightens me, but it is who I am and we are who we are. We are known among friends for being very doting and loving towards one another, if only they understood the connection that led to it.

Posted By Elena on Friday 17th November 2017 @ 19:20:56


Thank you for this, I have always had an alpha type personality, especially with were I work. I've been tempted to enter into the D/s life style but always felt confused about the different roles and if I was a sub since I have to be alpha in everything else. I've recently met a Dom who understands this and respects me out of the bedroom while also giving me a chance to let go of my constant control around him alone. This blog helped me understand myself even more, thank you.

Posted By Psybun on Friday 14th April 2017 @ 19:56:32


I am so very pleased to have stumbled upon this post. I am a relatively new Alpha sub. When I met Sir, he was intrigued to have met an alpha woman would was willing to step aside for an alpha man and be equally willing and eager to please him. I didn't realize at that time what I actually was, but he clearly did. This is my first D/s relationship and his second.

We jumped very quickly into our D/s roles as he continues to guide me and train me exactly how we wants me to be with him. Outside of the bedroom, he retains a dominant presence over me, but he allows me to express my alpha tendencies more, however he will interject to curb my behavior if I am becoming inappropriate (I work with men all day long so sometimes I forget to shift gears. He will remind me to act like a lady, or a princess.) During a scene, I am completely submissive to him and I love the power that I possess, knowing I am the one that sexually pleases and pleasures him completely. He provides me with physical and emotional pleasures that I have never experienced before. The level of respect and appreciation is incredible and not taken lightly, ever. I have total trust in him that he wants me safe and pleasured. I have learned to not question him and understand that he wants nothing but the best for me. He has high standards in life and he has chosen me as he sub, so that says a lot about who he thinks that I am as a person. I, too, have extremely high standards with the company I keep, so the feeling is very mutual. I tend to push myself toward perfectionism and he will even go so far to reassure me that I am already perfect.

Has he brought me to tears? Yes, on many occasions, however, it is part of the process of breaking down my own internal barriers to completely submit, especially early on. I mean, I am an alpha woman, in theory I shouldn't be submitting to anyone. Currently I am learning how to deal with my sub-drop episodes. I didn't understand what was happening to me a day or two after a scene, but it was occurring routinely. After some research, I discovered what was happening and have taken steps to address it, love myself and deal with it.

Additionally, I am a product of lifelong emotional abuse (from family spilling over into various failed relationships), so the submission process has been a bit difficult for me, especially to endure punishments for speaking out of line, to receive paddle spankings for not doing something correctly, and the like. The internal conflicts are real and my natural 'fight or flight' triggers are sensitive. However, I have learned high levels of self control that I never had before. All in all, I am very grateful and appreciative of him and what he does, and has done, for me.

Thank you, very kindly, for sharing your words, as well. It was nice to relate to.

With appreciation...

Posted By A.R. on Thursday 9th March 2017 @ 06:46:23


It's not merely being a brat as I have so often been told or that I'm not submissive enough...being able to successfully encompass multiple roles single mother work business partner etc allows me when I engage with my Dom to release... I am now the one who needs to be looked after

Posted By Alayna on Wednesday 1st February 2017 @ 22:47:27


Hi there,

I just wanted to say that I have never read a more personally reflective article on being an Alpha Submissive Female before. I first came across the term about a year ago after meeting someone I thought was worthy to be my Dom, if slightly less experienced (he had great inner strength and mountains of potential simmering just below the surface.) Unfortunately, i knew he still had feelings for someone else and instead of entering such a emotionally charged relationship, I helped him figure out his true desires and reconnected him with his old flame. O_o What? Just because I couldnt have that passion doesnt mean I should deny it to another woman - I want my Dom to want all of me, to see the fire in my eyes and want to play with it, not shy away.

Anyway, thats when I came across the term "Alpha Submissive" as I knew that I enjoyed submitting, but refused so many doms in the past, even my local community had doubts that I was a sub - so much so that I started doubting myself. Needless to say, I havent been as active in the local scene as I now realise that instead of questioning me, they should of been supporting me and helping me discover more of myself like decent mentors and those who have been in the lifestyle longer than myself.

Ive grown a lot in the last year, submitting myself TO myself in a 12 month celibacy pact in order to learn of my own needs better....and how to know when my feelings and senses for a Dom are real, or when im just horny and wanting a shag. Unfortunately, as Murphys law would have it, less than 4 months in, I met someone, and restraining myself has been....difficult, although we have managed to get to know one another really well and lets just say the sexual suspense generated when we are in the same room is rather intense! I havent even been able to bring myself to hold his hand for fear of loosing control :)

We sat down a few days ago and had a frank discussion about what we are looking for in the future and while he has been aware of my developing affection for him, he has been rather tight lipped on his own feelings, as is his right, though at least his actions show me he does return my affection. I have told him I will be sending him some information that can more adequately describe my 'needs/desires' as my attempt at an explanation was, pitiful to say the least. (Damn you words for failing me!)

Your article will be at the top of that list. Thank you for putting into words what I could not. I hope you will accept my humble appreciation from one Strong, alpha sub who kicks arse to another.


Posted By Arms Of Nyx on Monday 7th December 2015 @ 02:21:45


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